How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways
by Aurora M. Tepes
Summary: Vincent remenescences. He thinks about how his life has gone bad. How he hates himself now, all that stuff.


**Author's note:** This is a one-shot about how Vincent feels about his state of being after he was experimented upon. It's also his thoughts leading up to the confrontation with Sephiroth. There are some ideas in here that are clearly not from the game. Don't get mad, I have an over-active imagination and I love dramatic characters with tragic pasts. Also, please don't flame me! I don't have that much HP left. By the way, if it's in italics, it's Vincent's thoughts. When you see a _flash_, that means that a flash back is about to begin. It ends with another _flash_.

Oh, and Vincent does sometimes have more than one voice in his head.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters, (sniff, sniff, tear, tear).

**How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways…**

**By Aurora M. Tepes**

**One shot**

_This monster inside of me, clawing its way out… Oh how I hate it. If it wasn't for him and his lunatic ideas… But that doesn't matter now. He was the one who took her from me, it was his fault!_

_No, no, no. It wasn't his fault. He was only doing what he thought was right. He was wrong. He…no, I made myself into what I am. If I hadn't been so weak, so desolate, maybe I could have saved her…maybe I could have saved them all. But I cannot change that._

_flash_

The coffin lid was shut tight, there was no light filtering in. He was partially asleep, but the sounds from the laboratory in the next room could never let him completely sleep. That was probably part of their plan. He turned the thought over in his half-consious mind.

He didn't need food while he was in the coffin, they had made sure of that. It would supply him with a constant amount of nurishment. It would keep him alive, no matter how he wanted death.

Nothing let him know how much time had passed since he was sealed in this torture chamber. He had nearly forgotten what sunlight was or what the night looked like. Those were only faint dreams of a perfect world, something _he_ shouldn't be allowed to take part in.

He figured that days had passed since they last brought him out. Sometimes he caught bits and pieces of news. He knew that they would rely less and less on him now. Project JENOVA was a success. They had their 'perfect warrior,' their 'ancient.' But that would mean that they would leave him in peace, and the thought filled him with a strange sense of happiness, something he hadn't felt in a long time. Something he didn't feel entitled to.

Maybe now they would stop their experiments on him and leave him alone. They had already turned him into a monster, taken away his life and destroyed his mind.

Then he heard something. It was a voice, it woke him from his half-sleep. The voice was screaming. Its owner was being tortured, he could tell. Then another voice joined it.

"Come now, Mr… Ricks, was it? Tell us…" said the second voice. It was taunting and carried an insane quality to it.

"I told you, I don't know anythi-AHH!" screamed the first voice. Whips were being cracked. Cogs turned. The man screamed.

"You don't want us to have to force it out of you?" the second voice said. The other man was panting, but he didn't say anything. "Very well then." There were feet along the passage. The door to that room opened. After a few seconds, the lid of the coffin was thrown open.

He struggled. They wouldn't make him do it, not again! But they were going to. He was forced into that accursed cage and locked in. He lunged at the bars, trying desparately to get out. He didn't want to kill anymore. His efforts were to no avail. The cage was put on the lift and slowly made its way to the next floor.

When he dared to open his eyes he was again in the torture chamber. There, standing before him, was a cowering man in a business suit.

"I'll give you one last chance, Ricks. Tell us what you know about your brother's organization, and we'll let you live," sneered the second voice.

"I've told you already, I don't know anything about it!" Ricks said, shaking.

"Very well then. Good bye, Mr. Ricks," said the second voice.

From the wall behind Ricks came guns. The guns fired and fired at the man in the cage. Then he was near death, he was raging inside, the monster tore at his skin, trying to make its way out. The guns sank back into the wall. There were footstepes on one side of the cage.

"Chaos," whispered the second voice. Then he could no longer contain the monster. It tore out of him and became him. The only thing it saw in its rage was Ricks. The door of the cage opened and the monster flew out at Ricks. In a matter of seconds, it feasted on his flesh, gorging on his blood.

Then, it was over.

_flash_

_If only I could have stopped myself. If I could have controlled it when it came out! But then, only after they abandoned me, only after Sephiroth came back, only then could I control it. He taught me to, I suppose._

_But he used me too. He took me out, he made me kill, then he threw me back into the endless pit that torments me still. It's all my fault. All those lies._

_I killed all those people, it was my fault that those villages burned… And now I must live knowing what I have done._

_If I could get rid of it, if I could throw it all away, then maybe I wouldn't have this self-loathing._

_But what about Lucresia? I couldn't protect her. I couldn't save her. Because of me she's in that cave, in that hole and she'll die there, alone… Alone…_

_This life is nothing! NOTHING! I don't have a meaning except to correct the error of my creation._

_Don't think that way. Without you, the others would have had a harder time._

_With what?_

_With their mission. Without you they wouldn't be what they are. They couldn't destroy those monsters as easily without you._

_I am a monster._

_No, you're a man. You were never a monster._

_Tell that to Chaos._

_I mean it. You have to believe that you are good, that you are needed, and that you are not a monster._

_I don't have to do anything._

_What would Lucresia think of you now?_

_LUCRESIA'S DEAD!_

_She's alive._

_Even if she is, she hates me now._

_She's waited all this time for** you**._

_She's waited all this time because she can't die yet!_

_She still cares for you._

_Nothing could come of it if she did._

_Something could._

_Who are you and why are you bothering me?_

_Who I am is of no importance. Why I'm talking to you is simple. If I don't, you'll become what you think you are._

_Leave me alone._

_As you wish._

"We're here," stated Cloud quietly. "Vincent, Tifa, come on."

**Aurora: **So, what did you think? Please review. No flames. I still can't find any elixers or potions.


End file.
